The importance of being selfish.

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It’s 9:31 pm.  Wednesday night.  Last minute, as per the usual, and I’m just now sitting down to finish my post.  I don’t even have a good excuse like writer’s block or something.

I’ve known what I wanted to write about for over a week now.

But, lots of other things got in the way… like they always do.

That’s why I set hard deadlines (like new blog posts coming out every single Thursday at 10:00 am).  If I don’t have a hard deadline, things just get pushed off over and over and over again.

Why am I bringing this up?

Well, two weeks ago we talked about Why Haters Hate.  Then, last week we followed that up with a discussion about self-haters.

So, you can see the evolution of your situation.  Haters hate, so you stop being selfish.  If you stop being selfish for too long, you start believing you can’t be selfish.

It’s a vicious cycle, but once broken, will provide you with everything you ever wanted.

But, the choice to be selfish comes with a catch.  Anything worthwhile takes effort, and the effort is going to cost you.  If you go into this thinking it will be easy, you will be disappointed.

So What Should I Try to Be More Selfish?

The things that ‘cost’ the most are worth the most, so let’s take a look at what this is going to cost you, and then we’ll look at why it’s an investment you have to make immediately.

The Give-Ups

  • Time with your kids – prepare yourself, because you’re going to have to leave your kids with dad, or grandma, or your next door neighbor, or a high school kid, or some other unsuspecting soul; you need alone time and you need it now.
  • Time with your love – being selfish means less time spent with the love of your life.  In an already hectic schedule, it can be hard to give up those rare moments of alone time you get with the one you love.
  • The little things – in order to be more selfish, and really do what you want, you have to give up the little things that don’t really matter  (like always having a perfectly clean house or going to every party).
  • Meaningless activities – like making sure you catch every episode of every TV show that you just absolutely adore.
  • Sleep – eventually you’re going to have to choose between a good night’s rest and being more selfish – don’t say I didn’t warn you.
  • Money – ah yes, you knew I would get to it eventually; if you care about something a lot, you’re going to spend money on it.  It’s best if you embrace this attitude, rather than fight it.

The Gains

  • When you spend time that is just for you, it refreshes and invigorates you; this means the time you spend with your kids will have more meaning, because you’ll be more involved when you are there.  Remember, it’s not only quantity that matters.  Quality plays a huge role.
  • This goes double for your spouse.  It’s nice that you love each other, but you both need time away to focus on yourselves, and nourish the person your spouse fell in love with.  That is, after all, why they love you.
  • When you do things that are just for you and no one else, you will feel a sense of relief, and you will finally be able to relax; the little things won’t bother you so much, because you’ll have more important things to focus on.
  • You’ll be so busy honing your new selfish skills that you’ll forget what TV shows you have saved on the Tivo.  When you come home at night, you’ll be getting better, instead of staying the same.  

631_Why-SelfishSo, you see, even though being more selfish is costly in the short term, it pays huge returns on the back end.

Ready to try this approach?

There are 4 rules  to the Be More Selfish method.

1. Say yes to fun.

2. Say no to guilt.

3. Say yes to personal responsibility.

4. Say no to blame.

One and two go hand in hand.  Long story short, you need to start doing things that are just for you and nobody else, and you need to stop feeling guilty about it.  It’s okay to be selfish.  It makes you a better person.  And that makes everyone else around you better for it.

Three and four play off each other as well.  Whatever issue you’re having right now, just take responsibility for it.  Don’t waste time blaming someone else for a crappy situation.  Just do whatever is necessary to fix it and move on.  Every minute you waste worrying about who did what, is a minute you’re not spending making it better.  How do you want to spend your time?

Next week, we’ll going to walk through the process I use with my clients, and show I’ll you how to combine the 4 Rules of Being More Selfish with this process so you can identify and tackle every single one of your selfish adventures.

Subscribe today, so you’re sure not to miss it.  And in case you need further motivation, next week all of my newsletter subscribers will be given early bird access to my client openings.  Space is limited, make sure you don’t miss out – subscribe today!

Now, comment below and tell us how what you’re doing to be more selfish this week

 

This is the third post in a four-part series about Being More Selfish. If you missed the other three, check out Why Haters HateWhy Self-Haters Hate, and How To Be More Selfish.

  • Sarah Brown

    I’m gonna be honest, because that’s a part of what this whole thing is about….I’ve done nothing to be more selfish lately. :o( I have about three or four things on my mind as to ways I want to be more selfish, things I want to do for me or ways I want to spend my me-time. But I’ve done nothing. I am still my own hater. I have convinced myself that I need to get into a routine with cleaning the house, do my chores on a rotating schedule so that it’s not so daunting all at once. I don’t expect it to be perfect, but that’s gotta be priority one right now, so that I have a house I can be proud to have guests in. Seems like a non-fun way to be selfish, so then I rationalize that by spending the hours watching tv or playing with Giuliana, I am being selfish and I don’t feel guilty that the house is a mess. Until the tv show is over or Giuliana goes to bed and I’m stuck looking at a messy house and I’m overwhelmed and unhappy once again. I need to quit over-thinking it, just get the cleaning routine down and then move on to being more selfish in more “fun” ways. Sometimes responsibilities need to be how I spend my selfish time?

    • You are exactly right. Stop thinking about it, just start doing it. And in the meantime, I’ll send you the chore chart I use with my hubby. Just update it to reflect whatever rooms you have to clean, and exactly what stuff you want done in each room.

      I used initials to indicate who is doing what, but if you’re the only one on the chart, use whatever you want 🙂

    • You are exactly right. Stop thinking about it, just start doing it. And in the meantime, I’ll send you the chore chart I use with my hubby. Just update it to reflect whatever rooms you have to clean, and exactly what stuff you want done in each room.

      I used initials to indicate who is doing what, but if you’re the only one on the chart, use whatever you want 🙂

      • Sarah Brown

        Missy Cooke, I heart you. Hardcore.