Putting It Out There

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631_goalsEverybody’s talking about New Year Resolutions and it really kindof annoys me.  It’s not that I have a problem with goals.  It’s that I have a problem with the whole idea of resolving once a year to get better at something, or everything.  People don’t take it seriously.  It becomes more of a way to state all of your desires, instead of a way to actually do something.  I’m so tired of hearing about what everybody wants, myself included.  Remember this post.  Well, it’s time to get to it.  If you didn’t get the goal setting download I sent out on my newsletter last week, all hope is not lost.  Sign up for the newsletter by January 10, 2013 and I’ll send it straight to your inbox.

Accountability And Why It Works

So I’m going on record with my three big goals for 2013.  Even as I write this I feel a little bit like I’m gonna throw up.  By telling you what my ‘desires’ are, I am turning them into real actual ‘goals’.  If I don’t follow through, I’m gonna look like a chump.  I keep trying to talk myself out of sharing this for fear I will fail.  I think that’s a surefire sign I should probably do it.  So, here’s to getting stuff done and holding myself accountable.

Number 1:  Monetize 631

Don’t freak out when you read that.  Sometimes people hear the word monetize and they get immediately defensive toward any website trying to do that.  I will be completely transparent with you.  I work one on one with clients to remove self-imposed barriers.  I will merely be making my services known on the website.  At that time, if there is something I can do for you personally, we can discuss whether or not my services would be beneficial for you.  However, if you’re not interested, you’re more than welcome to continue utilizing any of the free content I provide, no strings attached.

Secondly, I am exploring options for other services and products I can offer you.  When that happens, I will make them known to you.  If you’re interested, buy it.  If you’re not, don’t.  Everybody does things in their own time, in their own way.  My hope is that my experiences can help you make the changes you want in your life.  If you can benefit from something I’ve already had to learn the hard way, then I want to be able to share that with you.

Lastly, when I say ‘Monetize 631’ that’s actually a very broad term that means a lot more to me, including exploring ways to gain income from several different revenue sources.  So, what I actually should say is that I have significant personal goals around making money for myself and eventually replacing my day job income.

Number 2: Pay off medical bills and student loans.

In the past 18 months, my husband and I have paid off a ton of debt.  Two cars, two credit cards, one birth, and old legal fees.  The only things we have left are my student loans, Zoey’s birth, and the mortgage.  We realized that we could never be truly happy if we were constantly paying the man.  Debt is such a stupid commodity.  We decided it’s not worth keeping around.  If you’re at all interested in being able to make choices based on your wants instead of your needs, you have to eliminate your debt.  If you’re interested in what we did, send me an email.  Or, for a lot of helpful advice and information you can visit Man Vs Debt or Dave Ramsey’s website.

Number 3: Lose 100 pounds

Okay, there.  I said it.  This is the one that makes me want to chuck it.  I don’t really talk about my weight.  I guess, who does, right?  Except, what I mean is, I’m not one of those girls who constantly talks about being overweight and how I’m on this or that diet or have this or that excuse.  I mostly just ignore it.  The thing is, I don’t really feel like a fat girl.  I mean, I like sports.  I like to run.  I like being outside.  I like doing things that thin people like to do.  But, at some point, I have to admit that I am a fat girl.  Ignoring it isn’t making it go away.  I could sit here and contemplate all of the reasons I got to be this overweight in the first place, or I could just do something about it.

It’s not like by ignoring it, it makes me any less fat.  It just lets me off the hook.  Enough is enough.  This goal is not just about losing weight.  It’s about being healthy.  I don’t want to have a heart attack at 35.  I don’t want to miss out on stuff with my kids because it’s too much work.  That’s ridiculous.  I am very serious about this.  If you have a similar goal, who is holding you accountable?  This is one of the hardest things you can combat alone.  Get a mentor.  Get an accountability partner.  Get moving.

So what are your goals this year?  Did you just set a bunch of resolutions or do you actually mean it this time?

If I can do it, so can you.  What are you going on record for this year?  Who is going to hold you accountable?  Comment below with your big goals if you’re actually serious.  Let someone hold you accountable.

  • Sarah Brown

    I want to try to have a relationship with my dad. I hardly talk to him, or see him, but since Giuliana has been born, he has been trying more than he ever has & I’m being stubborn and not accepting what he’s putting out there. I also want to try to care more about my appearance. As a stay-at-home mom, its easy to fall into the trap of stretchy pants & tshirts every day, but it doesn’t make me feel good, nor do I think it does much for my husband haha

    • Sarah, maybe it’s time to address why you’re being so stubborn? I think you probably already know why. Have you talked to your dad about this? Tell him how you feel. Tell him why you’re hesitant. Tell him why you’re reluctant to let him get close to you, and to Giuliana. Being willing to accept what he’s putting out there doesn’t mean that you have to ignore how his past actions make you feel. Emotional wounds are the hardest to heal, and quite often the first that we ignore. Start with baby steps. Maybe try something really easy at first – like letting Giuliana talk to him on the phone for 2 minutes, or meeting for coffee/beer/whatever where you have an appointment (real or imagined) in an hour so you have to leave at a certain time. You don’t have to have a perfect relationship right now. You just have to be willing to try to make it better. I know you have it in you!
      I know how you feel about your appearance. I struggle with this too. It’s not just a stay at home mom thing… In the past year I’ve put a lot more thought and focus into my appearance and how it changes your perspective on things. I used to tell myself that I didn’t care how I looked because I just didn’t care. But, as time went on, I realized that I didn’t really care how I looked because of what other people think of how I look… But, I do care how I look because of how it makes me feel. I’m finally admitting to myself that not trying to look good, lets me off the hook and allows me to believe that I am not capable of looking better…. this is complete bs.

      • Maybe there’s a happy medium?? We all know that working around the house and taking care of the kids is easier to do when we feel comfortable aka stretchy pants and tshirts. So, maybe you flip your schedule around a little bit? Perhaps, it’s stretchy pants in the morning, but you ‘get dressed’ by two…. so, when your hubby gets home you feel good, you look good, but you were still able to get a ton of stuff done during the day?

        • Sarah Brown

          This is an excellent suggestion and has been working wonderfully! I stay in my comfy clothes through the morning, doing some chores and such, then when Giuliana goes down for her morning nap, I take a shower and put on “real” clothes, so that way should we go anywhere in the afternoon, I don’t feel like such a slob. And then I feel presentable when Tony gets home. I need to work on feeling like it’s ok to put on makeup when it’s just Giuliana and I at home….there’s a part of me that feels like it’s such a waste of money to get all “dolled up” like that just to hang out around the house with her (as if she knows the difference) or to run to Kroger or whatever other errands we have to do.

          • I know how you feel. I say the same things to myself. But, truth be told, I like looking good. So I figure, if it makes me feel good then it’s not a waste, right? I mean, how come it’s okay to waste it on other people, but not on ourselves? We should totally be ‘wasting’ it on ourselves!

      • Sarah Brown

        Oh we’ve had the talk, several times. But he never apologizes or says anything remotely empathetic to how I feel. Instead he says, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Which further infuriates me because I feel belittled and degraded. He also goes on the offensive, which doesn’t help, always having an excuse or something to say for every point I try to get across. I understand that I have been coming at the entire situation/relationship from a place of emotion and it’s not the best idea….but more or less, I just want to say what I have to say and be respectfully heard. Not belittled and put down. I know I’m not right for a lot of how I act, and I am trying to work on it, but he’s just such an ass about it all. Which is why I say I have to just throw everything out the window, take it day by day, and be willing to accept what he’s giving because he’s never going to do/say what I want or expect. (Because I realize to have such expectations of others is a recipe for failure…especially given my history with my father.)

        • Sarah, you said a lot of really insightful things. As I’m reading, I was thinking, what if what you’re saying, applies to your dad. As in, he’s thinking “She never tries to listen to what I’m saying. I feel like I’m not respectfully heard. Why does she have to be so resistant to this. I’m trying and she won’t even recognize what I am doing.”

          I know it’s very hard to think about this from his perspective. And I’m not saying he’s right or wrong. All I’m saying is that everyone looks at the world through their own filters. And you’re both coming at this from an emotional place.

          It seems, maybe desperately, you both just want to be understood. Your father likely knows how his actions make you feel, just not how deeply. And maybe he doesn’t want you to excuse his behavior, so much as, understand it.

          I know this is easier said than done. But, he probably isn’t at the point on his path where he can put himself in your shoes. I know it’s very very difficult not to take the things he does as an insult against you, but it’s highly likely that he’s not purposefully trying to hurt you. Unless he’s a sociopath, that isn’t how most people think.

          More than likely, he’s at the point where he is finally recognizing that he is missing out on something special with you. Although to you it seems like “Uh, what, now, after all these years?!?”, and like it’s too little too late. To him, it may seem more like “Oh my god, I’ve messed up so bad and I really want to fix it but there’s no way I can, and I’m never gonna be good enough”, so he either doesn’t try or doesn’t know what to do or how to do it, so it comes out looking like he’s just a big ass.

          I have really been trying to work on my patience (surprising that I have none, right?). So, something I’ve been doing is to try to look at everything as if I’m the other person. i.e. I used to get really pissed when I drove in traffic (another shocker, I’m sure). So, something I tried was to think of why the ‘offender’ would have possibly done such a horrendous thing ‘to me’. So, say someone turns in front of me and I have to slam on the breaks – instead of saying something like “shit, fuck, damn!” and slamming on the steering wheel. I say something like, “oh wow, that person must not have seen me.” Or, “I hope everything is okay, he looked really distracted. He probably just has a lot on his mind.”

          Hard at first, but over time, it’s a lot easier to think that people are really mostly good, even if unaware. You can only control you, and it seems you are doing the best that you can. Keep at it sister! Your father may or may not ever do what you expect or want, but that’s not why you’re trying to forge this relationship. You are doing it because you want a relationship with him. So, try to take him for who he is. He’s maybe not what you would have ordered if you could pick on your own, but he is who he is. Love the parts that are lovable. That’s all you can do.

  • I am on a mission to lose at least 72 lbs this year. Thats less than 1.5 lbs a week. I can totally do it. My group on FB (Pool for Pounds) is my accountability.

    • Danielle, you are right. You can totally do it! Have a plan. Stick to it. Check in with your accountability partners. Adjust when you fall off track…. and you will. Falling off track is not a failure, it’s an opportunity to see what works and what doesn’t. When you come out on the other side, you’ll be that much further along because of your experience. You can do this!

  • Angel Woodyard

    I made huge decisions last year. I left the job that was only serving the purpose of a paycheck, and not a very big one at that. I got myself rooted in a career path I am excited about, I have excelled in my academics, I have worked towards other means of self sufficiency. In my hands I have what I always thought I wanted, and now I am a hot mess. My life is a blur, I’m disorganized, always running behind, I’m scatterbrained. I have let things fall into utter chaos and I just don’t feel present. This is what is changing for me this year. Somehow it is easier to just let things be difficult. I have started on this, and I am already being tested. And, yes, this is when getting healthier must happen. I just refuse to suffer one more ache or pain because I can’t make myself a priority. Taking care of others is easy, taking care of myself is really hard. But, decent progress so far during these three long days of 2013.

    • Jamie

      Angel, you are doing great. Lean on your friends, that’s what we are for.

    • Angel, I was just saying to someone the other day that we need to be the parent to ourselves that our kids need us to be for them. Being a grown up isn’t always easy, that’s for sure. But, it’s a lot easier when we make a concerted effort. Keep at it! You know what they say, “you are the 5 people you hang out with the most”. If you only get 5, surround yourself with the people who have the qualities you desire. You got this!

  • My only “real” goal this year is to take better care of myself. Appearance, self-talk, career, health and everything. Better. Not perfect, but better. Not doing so great so far, BTW, but I’m a work in progress. 🙂

    • Jamie, have you checked out the goal setting worksheet yet? Time to get crack a lackin. You’re about to free up a bunch of time come March. Rock it girl!

      • Jamie

        I didn’t see it! It must have gotten lost in my junk mail. Send again purty please?